Lucy's Life In Her Own Words

If any of you so care to have got some kind of apprehension of my life, ticker the film "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest"...Jack Nicholson being the lone sane individual in an insane asylum.... I experience that this is my life....but I believe being insane really just intends against the norm, so maybe I am the brainsick 1 if I think that everyone else is crazy...

The existence is out to acquire me, the existence is trying to kill me, or interruption my spirit....my sister just said something in her blog about God....that he said to her "if you would just pay attending I would bless you." I really experience that I am paying attention...but this is what my life have been in the last few days

My auto travels 45 statute miles an hour, whether I desire to travel 15 or not....

Someone allow all the air out of the tyres of my car. hence it still being at Easy Street

I have got got Uncontrollable choler resulting from heartache

Which consequences in me screaming at people and embracing the draining and blue choler which Iodine experience entitled to but really don't want

I have no dishes, owed to the choler and me breaking them all, I believe my roommate is going to set a pad of paper lock on the cabinets so I don't acquire intoxicated and interruption his china

My domestic dog have ate ALL my underwear...

In an effort to be an independent adult female whom makes not necessitate a adult male I embraced a misses nighttime out, only to happen out that you do demand a adult male to change a tire, I can state you how, but I lost a fighting with a tyre iron.

My occupation is....entertaining at all times....bar fightings and angry employees in the anteroom of a nice restaurant....

As if my appreciation on world isn't skewed already some woman, the Virgin Mary Kay state something or other asked me to theoretical account for their catalogue or something....as if I necessitate people to state me about how I look or anything near that...

And I just busted my buttocks at work to make just adequate money for rent. Thank God.

And all Iodine can believe is what will go on next.

My person, I trust you all have got a person, is having a really bad night, and I desire to help, but she won't allow me. it's difficult to watch your individual hurt....it's hard to not cognize who's individual you are...she is in the words of a friend of mine "my heterosexual person life partner" what make I do??? I've been where she is, and if it weren't for her Iodine wouldn't be here now, holding on to the small saneness I have got left, and I can't help....

I necessitate a break, nil huge, just something to travel right, ya know? I am so tired of life being just this...someone said that I have got to accept the fact that this is what life is, and I just decline to accept the fact that this is what my life is and will go on to be. Something must change. I believe it is me, and I am trying really hard, but I just can't look to acquire everything in the right topographic point at the right clip to pick it all up and hole it. It's wish Iodine acquire 8 out of 10 things done and then it all just acquires messed up again.

I have got been trying to acquire rid of things from my life recently, my phone, bad habits, friends, not because Iodine desire to, but to weed out things that mightiness be bad for me and Iodine don't realize...I am not alienating my friends, Iodine am just trying to screen material out and being so enmeshed in what my life became I completely lost who I was and what was of import to me, I forgot that I must go on to my life, and not my life go on to me. I had no control over anything, I had nowhere to live, and I flunked out of school...again...I blew ALOT of money...I got ill and missed the entireness of spring.

And I am just at this point where it is like, who am I, what make I want, and how make I get it...

I've been looking around at the people I environ myself with, and their lives, and I oppugn if their life is the sort of life I want. Bash Iodine desire to be like this person, or this person? And I have got got got determined that the people whose lives I envy are the people that don't worry about money, and don't imbibe every opportunity, and have a companion, not a hubby or married woman or lover or whatever, that they have a true comrade in life that volition be there to just throw their manus and not state anything...it's the people that leave of absence their work at work and can come up place and bask just being without changeless amusement or contact....it's the people that are at peace with their ain psyches and existence....

I desire to very badly to be at peace with myself,

I desire to not show my choler at everyone who doesn't rate it because the 1 individual whom I desire to cry at left me on this Earth to calculate it out alone after promising me that we were figuring it out together.

I desire to love freely and without fearfulness of the fact that one twenty-four hours the individual I love will calculate out who I really am and all my demons.

I desire to be able to lie in a knoll and just bask a zephyr and the sounds of leaves of absence above me in the trees

I desire to bask a soil route lined with maize Fields and smelling of fresh cut grass and pollinating corn,

I desire simplicity