Anger Management Techniques

GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR ANGER NOW WITH THESE STEPS:

1. Breathe deep and long breaths. Be sure to open your belly and breathe deep into your abdomen. You may not know it, but when you're angry you're panicking. This will help you to calm down.

2. Walk outside and look at the sky while you're doing your deep breathing. This will help you to put things in perspective, and it can have a soothing effect.

3. Do some stretches. When you're angry your body gets tense and rigid. The stretching will open up some of the tight areas of your body and get more oxygen flowing to your brain and help you clear your thoughts.

4. Get some paper and start writing. Write about how mad you are and why. Don't be nice, reasonable or rational. The point is to get your anger out on the paper, to purge it from your mind. Keep writing until you feel some relief or release, and don't stop until you do. For more help with this type of exercise, check out this book.

5. Write about what you have to be grateful for, what you appreciate about your life, your self and (if you can) the person you are mad at. For help with this, look for the good things inside and all around you, right now.

6. Imagine that you are at the funeral of the person you are mad at. What would you say. What would you miss about that person if they were gone?

7. If you know how, pray. Pray for God to guide you through this dark time. Pray for the grace to see the beauty and vulnerability in the person you are mad at. Pray for the wisdom to see beyond the view of the person or situation that makes you so angry.

8. Imagine that you are the person you are mad at. Put yourself in their shoes. Look at the situation from their viewpoint. How do you look to them? Is that how you want to look? Decide who and how you want to be and act as if you were that already.

9. Remember a time in your childhood when you were afraid, hurt or angry. In your imagination, embrace that child, saying "It's okay. I'm here. You didn't do anything wrong. You're a good kid. I love you just like you are. I'm not going to leave you." Then take the child (your child self) out of the situation to a safe place where s/he can relax, heal or even play.

10. Think about your values. What is the most important thing in the world to you. Who are the most important people in the world to you? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered? Decide that you are that person and you are living by your values, and act as if it were so. This is the fastest way to change your emotions, and it puts you in touch with your true nature, the way you were designed to be.

REMEMBER, inside, you are a good person who wants to help. Think, act and make decisions from that good person that you are, and you can't go wrong!

Road Rage-Nip It In The Bud With An Amazing (You Should Do It All The Time) Technique To Avert Rage

Road Rage, a term that William James, the father of modern psychology, had not even heard of can still be treated by something the psychologist posed many decades ago.

His inquiring mind chose this question, which when answered and acted upon, will begin to correct your road rage problem and maybe all of your rage issues. The question was and still is, "What comes first, a smile or feeling happy?"

Test it yourself. You have nothing to lose and virtually everything to gain.

You're driving home from work; you're feeling like a zombie, neutral, numb, nervous, or even a little unhapy. Put the question to the test. Put a smile on your face, let your muscles release the tension in your face, breathe, and smile again.

Hmmmmmmm, that feels good, you may think.

It does feel good; it feels good because smiling releases your own endorphins, raising your mood, and definitely enhancing your looks.

Your amazing smile cannot only make you feel better, but, should the circumstance arise, it can let another driver know that you understand his situation and do not mind if he is cuttin into your lane. As a matter of fact, you will both feel better. It can prevent a lot of unnecessary internal raging on both sides. It may even make you feel generous and courteous.

Smiling release the tension, stimulates feeling similar to love, puts a twinkle in your eye, and makes driving much more pleasant.

When you're driving in that bland or unhappy or over-pressured mood, just put that smile on your face, breathe, and let the happiness evolve.

What did William James (and you, too) learn from his insightful question? He learned that feeling happy causes you to smile and smiling causes you to feel happy. It is a circle: feel happy, smile; smile, feel happy.

This is such a simple remedy that it is hard to believe that it can make such a major change.

It can nip road rage in the bud.

It can make the other people in your life happy to see and be with you.

It can enhance you quality of life in a heartbeat.

Happy is about as opposite from road rage as you can get, and you can make that change every time in just moments.

You own the technique now. You can rescue yourself when you are feeling miserable, when you notice that you are starting to get angry while driving, when you catc yourself letting little things annoy you, when you're building up to blow up.

You can use it when you're at work, at home, with people you love, with people you don't even like.

Before you allow yourself to be annoyed or inconsiderate, remind yourself that you can change the way you feel, then smile.

After you've practiced a few times, you may even hear yourself saying, "Why do I always feel so happy."

Because you have the Amazing Technique! SMILE!

The Concept of Forgiveness as a Powerful Tool of Feminist Theory

Consequences of Vietnam War are numerous and negative, including suffering of population and redefining gender roles. Women during Vietnam War constitute a vast group of victims, who experienced ethnic cleansing and had to find refuge in more secure places. Female victims make up only 3% of the overall number of Vietnam War victims and this group is often neglected or inappropriately treated by therapists. Comparing impact of economical or political effect of Vietnam War trauma with psychological one, it should be noted that psychological effect has much more long-lasting and devastating nature than short term economical and political impact. So, thorough investigation of psychological disorders should be conducted to help population, especially female veterans, recover from Vietnam War.

Therapy for women should necessarily include forgiveness, which is defined as an act of accepting injustice from the side of offender and calmly responding to it without negative feelings or reaction. To promote forgiveness a great variety of forgiveness models were implemented and tested on Vietnam War victims.

Two distinctive groups of forgiveness models can be clearly distinguished: decision based models and process based ones. Decision based model lies in the idea that Vietnam War victims should realize the act of forgiveness for their own wellbeing and give up their anger. On the other hand, process based model is based on four stages, subdivided into twenty steps, designed for female victims to forgive their offenders.

One of the tools for evaluating effectiveness of each model is Psychological Profile of Forgiveness Scale. Furthermore, a wise combination of described approaches should be used in order to achieve desired goal- recovering female veterans. However, the question of forgiveness accurate measurement and balanced ratio of models still remain controversial issue.

Gender issues and concept of forgiveness are integral parts of one theory of humanistic feminism. So, it is necessary to combine the concept of forgiveness with Vietnam system of values in order to successfully adopt this concept to the environment of female victims.

Organize Life-Accomplishing More Work In Less Time By Organizing Your Life

Millions of people throughout the world have an inability
to organize their life, and as a result they don't accomplish nearly as many
tasks as they are capable of. The secrets of the world's most successful
entrepreneurs is that they manage their time instead of having their time manage
them. Whether your goal is to make a fortune from your own business, or simply
have more time with the family, here are some tips to help you to organize your
life to achieve maximum productivity starting today.

First of all, keep notes of what you want to accomplish
throughout the day. Quite simply, most people go through the day with no idea
what they want to get done, and often find themselves at the end of the day
without getting anything meaningful done. Write out your plans each night
before you go to bed, and stick to those plans at all costs.

Keep those plans folded up in your pocket, so that you can
pull it out and look at it from time to time. If you feel yourself getting off
track, pull out the paper and quickly review it to get your life organization back on track.
You will find this method very effective at keeping you from wasting your time
on frivolous activities.

Don't multi-task. The truth is, there is no bigger killer to getting your life organized than mulit-tasking. Most people mistakenly believe that focusing
on 3 different activities at once will get things done faster.

Actually, you end spending more time on all three projects
than you would have if you simply gave each your undivided attention for a set
period of time. Focus on one activity, finish that, and go on to the next.

Learn to delegate activates. One of the biggest keys to
being a successful entrepreneur is focusing on the important activities. For
instance, if your goal is to more money from your business, there will tasks
that will be important for you to do and jobs you would be better of delegating
to others.

Many business owners try to save money by doing all the
work themselves, and they end up costing themselves more money in the long run.
This doesn't only apply if you are an entrepreneur. No matter what your job is,
decide what the most important activities in your day are, and take care of
those yourself.

If an item is not pressing, delegate to somebody else. You
will find that life is much less stressful and you will have far more time on
your hands as a result.

Finally, prioritize your time. Most people put off the
hardest activity of their day for last. This is a big mistake. Get the hardest
activities out of the way first, and push the easier tasks aside for later in
the day to organize your life.

The truth is, your mind is more alert when you first begin
the workday than it is at the end. Even if you have decided to focus in the
important activities yourself, some will still be more crucial than others. If
you save the hardest activities for late in the day, you will not get nearly the
amount accomplished that you could.

These are some simple yet dramatically effective tips to
help you accomplish a greater amount in less time. Stop being a slave to time;
take control of it now. When you learn to
organize your life,
you will soon feel much more in charge, whether your goal is to become a wealthy
entrepreneur or simply have more time to spend with the family.

Organizing Your Life - Clearing Up the Paper Mess

A few days ago I had to stop by my local college's library for a research book for a project I have at work. I needed to talk to a librarian who was not on the main floor of the library, but who had an office on the 3rd floor. When I rounded the corner to enter her office, I was sort of stunned. All I could see of her from behind her desk was her head and shoulders. The rest of her was blocked by the huge piles of paper covering her entire desk. There was not one inch of desktop visible.

How could she ever find anything, I wondered. And I also thought to myself - at least my desk isn't that bad. But truthfully, my desk isn't all that good either lately. Right now I can only see about 50% of my desktop.

Do I want it that way? No. Am I currently working with every piece of paper sitting on my desk? No. So why is it so cluttered? I know the answer - habit and resistance. The habit is putting down what I've finished working with and then leaving it there. The resistance is to taking the time to clean it all up. I'm sure this is what the librarian is suffering from too. And I would imagine that it is very mentally draining for her to enter her office everyday and be confronted by that mess.

For most people, the resistance portion of the problem is easier to tackle. When you find yourself with a pile of papers or other items that you're not currently using covering your desk or your kitchen counter at home, and that pile stays there for a few days, then you're probably resisting cleaning it up because: you don't think you have time, you don't know what to do with it, you just don't feel like cleaning it up, etc...

An easy way to break this resistance and start to organize your space is to give yourself a time limit - a short time limit so it won't seem overwhelming. What about 10 minutes? Politely ask yourself to take 10 minutes of uninterrupted time to work on the pile on your desk or counter or even the pile of papers that you moved off the desk last month and put on the floor. Asking yourself, rather then telling yourself you have to or you should, opens the way for you to feel less resistance. And then if some of the mess is still there when your 10 minutes is up, ask yourself to take another 10 minutes tomorrow. At some point the pile is going to disappear - unless you keep adding to it out of habit.

For me, the habit part of this problem is harder to solve because it takes being consciously aware of what I do right after I finish with a piece of paper, when I bring in the mail, when I pay the bills and then need to do something with the statement, or when I finish any activity. Anywhere that I see clutter or mess accumulating in my home or office is a place where I have not paid full attention at the time that the item passed through my hand.

Breaking the habit requires 3 things: setting an intention in your mind of how you want things to be (I want to have a clean desk.); staying consciously aware every time you are in that area (Make sure I put away the papers I finish with rather than piling them on the desk.); and time. Most sources say it takes about a month to create a new successful habit in place of the old unwanted habit, but if you've been creating a messy desk for 30 years it might take longer to break that habit.

So if you find yourself faced with a mess of papers covering your desk and you need some motivation to help clear it up, take the following steps:

• First ask yourself to take 10 minutes to work on clearing some of them up, and only use the 10 minutes.

• Praise yourself for any progress you make rather than condemning yourself as a slob. Being nice to yourself will make it that much easier to take 10 more minutes tomorrow.

• Then set an intention that you want to keep your desk clean.

• For a month, try to stay as aware as possible of what you do with every paper that touches your desktop. Make an absolute effort to put away a paper or a file when you finish with it. Or commit to setting aside 5 minutes at the end of every work day to clear away the papers.

Once you start to consciously pay attention to your actions in your desk space, you'll find that not as much paper mess accumulates and you'll be able to see the desktop again. Organizing your desk, or any other area where papers accumulate, can seem to be an overwhelming task. But with a few simple steps and a willingness to form a new habit, you can have a clear space in no time. Now as for those kitchen counters...

Clutter Control - From Chaos to Creativity

Clutter's Ball and Chain

Clutter is a prison wall, an iron fence, a ball and chain, blocking you from the energy you need and that you so much deserve.

Clutter saps your energy and erodes your spirit. It makes it difficult to get things done, enjoy peace and quiet, or spend time the way you really want to. This disorganization adds to your stress and makes it hard to focus and think clearly. And the more you crave control over the clutter, the more these negative feelings are magnified.

If clutter is such a "downer" then why do we keep things around?

The truth is, that it's not procrastination, laziness or lack of time that keeps you from clearing your clutter. The underlying problem is emotional.

For example, when you look in your closet and see a bunch of clothes that no longer fit, what do you do? More than likely you justify keeping them around just in case you lose that extra weight. However, the real truth is that if you get rid of them, then you are accepting your weight for what it is and the possibility that you may never fit in them again. That's a tough for anyone to admit!

But the reality is that organizing your space will save you so much time. You'll no longer pour energy into searching through piles of papers for what you want. You won't be anxious about stacks of unknown things that need to be done. You won't be pulling out wrinkled clothes from your closet because they're wedged in there too tight. All of sudden you're in control, you know where to find things and you're proud of your space!

Mind Games and Clutter

Beware, as you begin to eliminate clutter, your psychological attachments will kick in. Every reason for keeping cluttery things around will rise to your mind. You will probably feel guilt. You may feel fear. But, this all comes from the pain of breaking old habits. It feels wrong because it is not what you are used to doing.

New habits require you to overcome emotional resistance. After all, you have been doing things the same way for years and now you're choosing to do something differently. You are stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing a new way of life. It feels risky.

A Priceless Gift

Think of this new habit as a priceless gift. No matter how much resistance you feel or how uncomfortable it seems, tell yourself that you cannot let this gift pass you by.

Remember that clearing clutter restores lost energy, brings back focus and saves you oodles of time. With these things back in your life you open doors to a happier and more productive you. Open this gift today!

Being a Bully and Acting Assertive

There is a difference between being a bully and acting assertive and there is indeed a problem when one crosses that line. There is also a very interesting thing that I have witnessed in my career with bullies in business. You see I ran a Franchising Company and I often noticed an interesting and yet alarming thing with some of my franchisees.

They would complain about their boss and unfairness to me prior to buying a franchise. Then after they started their business they turned into little Hilters and treated their new employees even worse than they were once treated. It makes me wish I had never spent all the time to help them get into a business of their own and give them the American Dream, it is rather unfortunate really.

It is a real common human psychological problem. It is so common, I am very careful with people who complain too much and study their words, body language and such and motivation too. You need to watch out when people complain too much, sometimes it is an outlet, other times it should be a warning. Of course if one is pushed too hard inevitably they will push back, thus this is something that should be known too.

What is amazing is when I talked to these franchisees about this I was fascinated at how they said that they had have considered this? There is a notion of humans who get tired of being pushed around and played, often they will take a stand, which can be perceived as bullying.

When you are talking to friends in person or on the phone think about this and think of your online communication and how it might be misinterpreted by some to be that way? The question is do you really care? Think about it, preventing bullying starts with you.

Do You Have the Courage to Simply Stop?

The Tao, a great book of Chinese wisdom, asks: Can you let your mud settle?

I envision a murky glass of water, its contents swirling this way and that. Agitate it more, and you'll get impossibly obscured vision and an inability to get your bearings or to navigate.

Wait long enough, and your mud will settle.

Teachers have benefited from the sabbatical system, which more or less affords them to take off from their posts every six or seven years, to write those postponed papers, and to do that critical or imaginative or clear thinking that only solace and peace can facilitate.

But in business and in most occupations, we're not allowed to do that. The zeitgeist of contemporary work is to incessantly do more in less time, to be maximally productive, and to even forego our vacations in the interest of being team players.

"Stopping," argues for the opposite approach. The author of a book bearing this title, a former Catholic priest, says taking time off is something everyone should do on a regular basis.

But it takes courage. Revisit the quote from the Tao. It asks: CAN you let your mud settle?

As in, do you have the capability, the guts, and even the sense of adventure to let go of the madcap routines that support your daily life?

About a hundred fifty years ago, Henry David Thoreau observed that most people "Lead lives of quiet desperation."

Today, it is noisier, but desperate nonetheless.

Multi-tasking, job enlargement, outsourcing, and downsizing actually make QUIET desperation sound good.

Give yourself a break; literally.

In at least a modest way, try Stopping, and see if that suddenly clear glass looks half full, again.

"Do you have the capability, the guts, and the sense of adventure to let go of the madcap routines that support your daily life?" asks this best-selling author, top speaker, international consultant, and popular radio and TV expert commentator.